A Grisly Day in Auburn
All this talk about chuck norris blah blah blah, Let me tell you this: Chuck can come or go, but you DON’T want the Grisly Bike Geek dropping a bomb in your shitter @ 5 in the morning. That’s why I was ready and waiting in the driveway when he pulled up yesterday.
It was a simple plan and a plan that would end in disaster. Well, not really. Gris, Nooner, Huck Tater, JohnS and I started riding from the Confluence around 8 or so. 30 min later we hit the connector trail. Badda Bing Badda Boom, we ride and ride and climb and climb. Nooner and Gris are way off the front. John and Lee are riding my ass like a $5 whore. WTF! I’m gonna quit MY job, throw in a 2000 flushes blue, quit drinking coffee and ride and ski until the water turns clear again!
Nothing eventful on the first lap, but the sighting of this strange sticker on the Foresthill Divide trail. Weather was perfect, dirt was perfect (as if dirt could be anything but perfect) and the GBG seemed to be riding spry despite his advanced age.
Popping out from the Tunnel Trail I hear the sweet sweet call of my lovely-but-taken, look-but-can’t-touch (or so you believe..) Bustigator! He brought with him the DogIsNuts, Icandy, and Matty themack daddy, smokedthefatty from cincinatti Larson of The stable Quiver. Almost EVERYONE on singlespeeds! (including Nate on the Maverick with the Paul Melvin!)
We all started back up the connector trail. GBG, Nooner, Huck and John blasting it the fuck off with Matty riding them like they were $20 whores. Icandy had some issues with, of all things, getting his tires to seal. Pretty bike dude. Maybe some dirt on those tires would help thicken the sidewalls. Anyway, he and Bustigator and Schuster and I rallied pretty good around the course.
GBG said he pushed it hard as he could and didn’t cramp or bonk. I did the same, though a third lap would have pushed it too far.
Nate’s says: ”
23.2 mile lap. 2970′ of climbing per lap. 6.7 miles each way on the connector trail, + or -. The down hill to the confluence is .3 mi longer than the climb. So that puts the final leg at about 13.7 miles with ~1300′ of climbing. A-squad total of 60.1 miles you crazy bastards.”
We had a frame fatality, and a near rider fatality when John hit a kicker and went off the trail @ the end of the Tunnel Trail down by the American River. GBG can chime in with the description. Here’s the aftermath.
Then we hit Maria’s in Auburn for some Carnitas. Matty’s not a huge fan of Mexican, but he suckeditthefuck up for the good of the team. Thanks Bro!!
Good riding with all you fuckfaces! And on a WEDNESDAY!?!???!?!!!!!
-M
A fine fine day! I wish we could of taken more pictures, but we were on a mission. I had my work cut out for me trying to hang with Lee and Nooner. Lee being the diesel engine that just kept chugging along and Nooner the hotrod driving the pace up front. At least I can say I was the strongest employed guy that day. Thanks to everyone for playing on a weekday with me. About John’s crash, he went end over end for about 50′-60′ stunt man movie style. Chuck Norris wouldn’t have done that stunt. I breathed a big sigh of relief when I saw him move all of his limbs. I don’t know if that was preparation for Leadville he was after, but Dammit he’s a tough sombitch.
GBG
Thanks for the invite for such a great day of trail riding. I needed the miles and had never been on those trails which are amazing. Damage isn’t permanent, and as Wolfy said to me, “Your knees should be mostly scar tissue by now anyway.” Thanks agian to GBG for hualing my bike back up that hill and for everyone who made the day memorable and fun. Cheers,
lowco2
sounds like fun, sorry i missed the ride.
happy birthday, Grizz.
Awesome! Lowco2 reged as a user! I’ll upgrade you so you can post. You should be able to figure it out. Just make sure you live up to our low standards and poor taste.
-M
Why doesn’t anyone ever call me… isn’t there a way to shuttle that fucking ride? Happy b-day GBG.
“Nooner the hotrod” shit!!! The hotrod that ran out of fuckin gas! The only hotrod here was giving to you for your birthday Gris, know what I’m sayin!?!?
I think I’ve talked shit on all my comments. Hell yeah!
Seriously, it was great riding with everyone of you scumbags. It was more of an endurance-ride at your own pace ride for some of us… kinda cool I guess, but I would much rather do that ride as a social ride, maybe when there’s not a 24hr race in the near future. Especially when all you fine dudes in spandex are around. Hopefully we can all get together again sometime soon and ride bikes, swap two-bit-whore stories (no offense ladies, take the wine glass away from Nooner!!!), laugh at each other for crashing or breaking something, tag shit with TBS stickas, swim in the creek to rid my fine brown ass of poison oak and be merry… bitches!!!
Merry birthday GrislyBikeDork… allways a pleasure to ride bikes with you and everyone else!!!
-Noonerlito